Needy

I am needy they say.... Which ironically is fine as long as it's someone else doing the needing and the needs are not mine...Cause how dare I have needs of my own...how dare I fear being alone.... How dare I need the same love and assurance that I give and How dare I expect that you too have a heart that's willing to forgive... To forgive me when I fall short .. To forgive me when my emotions open a port.. And for the tears that fall as the shadows of fear calls.... Out my name.... Wendy.... You're too much of this and you're too much of that...except and unless I am not...it's only then that my flaws are forgotten....when they need me...I mean it's okay when it's me being the "Rock" ... Holding it down.. The pillar of strength that wears the crown..but where is the love when my rope is all out of length... When it's my heart that's weakened and I'm all out of strength? Where's the love when I'm hanging by only a thread left wondering "am I alone or is it all in my head"...so how dare I have needs of my own... How dare I need to talk or maybe I just want to walk... Your hand in my hand saying nothing at all... No pressure and no demands...how dare I need to be held...or just to be told that the love I give will come back ten fold...how dare I? I am but a needy giver... Allowed to give but not allowed to need....a woman who cares too deeply, who forgives too easily and who loves unconditionally...a woman easily loved but with conditions...I love you but... I'll love you if...allowed to love and allowed to forgive...but how dare I have needs of my own...#beautifully broken